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BORN or MADE?

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If you aren’t aware, there is a debate about whether leaders are born or wether they can be self made. As the question goes, do you come out of your mother’s womb with the leadership ‘IT’ gene, or through hard work, dedication to growth & education, practice, mentoring, and experience can you grow in leadership?

If you are born with ‘IT’ then I should stop writing…

There are some instincts that really good leaders have, but, obviously I believe that you can develop leadership. A simple pleasure in life I enjoy is seeing others apply themselves to new skills in leadership and succeeding in making significant gains. Some gains made have been so great, that I often am astonished what a young leader can accomplish and change in their spheres when the right knowledge, application and work ethic are applied. 

My friend Matt, borrowing some material form Paul Arden, wrote a simple article detailing one important step in this process: Seek Criticism, not Praise.

So, do you humbly seek to make yourself better OR are you content with where you are? Are you one of those who are busy convincing themselves that you are better than (or at least as good as) those around you OR are you seeking out those who have some pronounced skills and leadership and you are going after them?

Relationally Lazy

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In this era of quick fixes, seminars, databases, email, IM, twitter, facebook, sales forces programs, pyramid schemes, document sharing and the like, most people and leader wannabes have forgone the simple impact of investing energy into relationships. The default thought process has become, ‘people will come to me when they want something’.

I aim to be the first to identify and document a new epidemic in American leadership (that is a bit of humor): 

Relational Laziness

Top flight leaders take the time for people. They meet them face to face. Personal engagement is a forte. They posses a bit of interest in someone outside of themselves AND they have a bent towards serving them. Proactive and responsive communication are tools in their arsenal.

Run this simple test for the next week or so. When you meet someone who is genuinely engaging on a personal level (not just faking it for a quick buck) be it in a market place or service setting, ask yourself if you would want to have them interview for a job opening if you had one. My bet is that you would. Prior to any knowledge about their character or skill sets, it is the ability to transact in REAL LIFE that will leave an impression upon you.

Here are some reflective challenges for us as leaders:

  • Who are the people that I meet or lead that we should be making investment in relationally?
  • Do I serve the people I lead or do I expect them to serve me?
  • How much do I really know about the current life situations of my closest colleagues?

direction after _______

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OK – so must of you are past this point, but i have to tell you one of my favorite conversations begins sort of like this:

I am getting ready to leave high school and I don’t really know what I want to do next…

I have had this conversation tons of times and the last few weeks have been great cause I have had the opportunity to speak into the lives of several young people I know regarding their futures. Here are a few quick, very opinionated & personalized pieces of advice. [I look forward to your feedback as it will certainly not be a universally received set of action points]

  • Dream BIG! || why have so MANY people (even young people) stopped dreaming? you will never have a great life on accident – start dreaming about what you want to be and what you want to do.
  • Decide upon your values || be as quick about this as you can – you are making some important, life altering decisions before you turn 25.
  • Live with Purpose || you will discover that life is much, much bigger than you – the sooner you live for something MORE than yourself, the happier you will be.
  • Go to College || get a flexible & foundational bachelors degree; Business if you like leadership or money – English if you like writing or speaking
  • OR Go into the Navy or AirForce || don’t get killed; get leadership experience & discipline; see the world and broaden your world view
  • DO NOT pay for college with loans! || start out at a local community college, pay cash, get good grades & get your AA there (it will get covered up by your BA from a better place); if you NEED to move then find a friend or family member in another community that you like and go to C.C. there. DO NOT GET LOANS! they take too long and you can do it with hard work.
  • Stay employed || see above, you need a job + it will give you some experience to build upon. find something in customer service or that is intellectually stimulating.
  • Get broad employment experience || see this job sucks! - how will you know what you want to do AND what you will enjoy if you don’t try your hand at a few entry level positions that you hate?
  • Take risks || not the stupid kind like drugs, sex and bungee jumping! — risks of life adventure, especially if you have entrepreneurial tendencies OR if you would like to live abroad for further world view development OR if serving a mission of need & hope appeals to you.
  • Travel || don’t take out loans to do it. no other time in your life is as flexible as the time right after high school – see the world!
  • Find a mentor || look for someone is who is doing what you think you might enjoy, buy them a meal & start finding out more. get the practical ‘how to’ stuff from them – college is great but this is where the real learning comes from.
  • Get REALLY good at something || before you turn 25 you should aim to be on a path to having a refined skill or talent that you can contribute to society & the market place. in the long run (by 35) you will find that what you started on has morphed into something brilliantly new but that you probably didn’t see coming when you were younger.
  • Make many friends || if at all possible stay connected (facebook – isn’t it grand!); enjoy your time with them but be sure to go beyond the surface. some of your best long-term friends will come out of unexpected beginnings.
  • Stay connected to a life giving activity || don’t get so focused on your goals that they consume every thing from you & every bit of your free time; find a recreational outlet – don’t get fat!
  • Stop playing so many games || 1 or 2 outlets for fun is important, but many people waste the most energetic years of their life on silly games and useless parties.

this job sucks!

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hasn’t everyone had a job that really sucked? i hate to admit it but while i was in college – in the era before the current laws on phone solicitation – i was that guy who called during dinner to sell you a time share that you didn’t need and couldn’t afford. i took the job because it promised ‘bonuses’, had a flexible schedule and was better than what i was doing before (believe it or not). the only thing that was promising about the job was the information i had about it before i started. i carried on through it all — the rah-rah motivational first session, the stupid script training, the half truths i was being told concerning the homes i was calling being (secret= they weren’t actual ‘winners in jeep grand cherokee drawing’), and of course the necessary shady characters that were running the joint. i got hung up on, cussed out, lied to, cheated out of bonuses and worked in a cruddy office. beyond that, i really didn’t like talking on the phone or with strangers.

however, that single sucky job has paid dividends time and time again. i have become convinced that having learned how to sell time shares over the telephone (a product and an environment i didn’t believe in) that now i could talk to anyone about anything. today, if i have a product or an item that i actually do believe in, with all integrity, i can talk with anyone about it at any time. i also learned to be concise, articulate clearly and to not give up – cause there will be someone out there interested in what i have to say. + talking on the phone to strangers these days —- no sweat!

so the question to you is this… what is your sucky job?  AND what have you learned from it?

with the right frame of mind, i think we can grab great leadership concepts from our worst experiences.

fresh eyes & a hot tongue

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new leader, you have something that i still want —- fresh eyes, a hungry spirit, a desire for adventure, need for risk and an unquenched passion for changing the world. you have come into your new environment and see it for what it could be and are resistant to letting it trap you in, push you down or hold you back. you are for the mission and against the rules. change the world! is your motto, and you will do it too.

the very reason that you are in your new environment is all of the above + you are a leader. (OR you suckered someone.) 

will you read one leadership warning label?

::: CAUTION ::: you will say things that need to be said but you will want to say them in a way that they will end up being ignored. your passion will leak out your mouth, your spirit will add gasoline to the match that is your young tongue and your leadership opportunities are likely to catch on fire. try the following directions.

  • produce more results than words – these will give you the opportunities to speak
  • speak first with your leader before unloading in a group setting/meeting
  • be positive about future opportunities not focusing critique on the current reality
  • bring well thought through solutions to the table; temper your frustration when only a portion is endorsed
  • don’t give up early; you only get be a part of positive change if you stay

fresh eyes & a hot tongue

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new leader, you have something that i still want —- fresh eyes, a hungry spirit, a desire for adventure, need for risk and an unquenched passion for changing the world. you have come into your new environment and see it for what it could be and are resistant to letting it trap you in, push you down or hold you back. you are for the mission and against the rules. change the world! is your motto, and you will do it too.

the very reason that you are in your new environment is all of the above + you are a leader. (OR you suckered someone.) 

will you read one leadership warning label?

::: CAUTION ::: you will say things that need to be said but you will want to say them in a way that they will end up being ignored. your passion will leak out your mouth, your spirit will add gasoline to the match that is your young tongue and your leadership opportunities are likely to catch on fire. try the following directions.

  • produce more results than words – these will give you the opportunities to speak
  • speak first with your leader before unloading in a group setting/meeting
  • be positive about future opportunities not focusing critique on the current reality
  • bring well thought through solutions to the table; temper your frustration when only a portion is endorsed
  • don’t give up early; you only get be a part of positive change if you stay

1 part angst

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ANGST – it exists in even the most chiseled of leaders. 

your 20′s will contain periods of time where you doubt your education, your professional choices, your internal make-up and your external deliveries. the pain and process of leadership development will cause you to pause time and time again with the self-evaluation of whether you are cut out for your current pursuits.

what is your driving life passion?

why did you place yourself in your current situation?

what was your dream when you first headed in the direction that you are going?

these are the things that you MUST keep in front of you. don’t follow some other person’s dream or plan for your life. let your passion and your values guide your life commitments. allow yourself to learn from the challenges inside of your current context — pull out the nuggets that will make you a better leader and person — then apply those to your next leadership opportunities.

insider info.

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been new on a scene before? sure you have – grade school, college, a sports team, a neighborhood, a gym or a party with others who are close friends. there are probably plenty of approaches to these new situations BUT i believe there is one critical key, particularly when you are new to a leadership environment:

Learn as much as you can about the new culture while engaging as yourself - not who you think they might want you to be.

don’t over power the situation by drawing attention to yourself with humor, credentials or your ‘knowledge’. don’t hide in the corner or withdraw either – you won’t get everything you really need to know by observing from that distance. your first impression will invariably last for quite a while so be sure to be authentic and intentional.

here are some things to consider:

  • ask questions about the environment
  • take note of the relationship dynamics
  • watch who follows who (especially when it isn’t related to an org chart)
  • engage in one-to-one conversations
  • push through your feelings to just ‘hang out’ or lay low
  • accept as many social invitations as will fit into your schedule (select a healthy limit)
  • make connections that you can follow up on in the future (get an email address at the very least)
  • be a gracious guest
  • serve other, don’t just be served
  • wait on drawing conclusions or assumptions — give yourself time to get to know people.

Losing your training wheels in Leadership

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when you first learned to ride, what was the color of your bike?

RED?

Mine was. Ok, it wasn’t my bike. My friend Brian from down the street had a small red bike. Mine was a full-sized, used, hand-me-down bmx. I am not even sure how my dad could have found training wheels for it. The top tube (middle bar for those of you who don’t ride) was almost as far up from the ground as I was. However, the red bike Brian had fit just right. It was a perfect height from the ground for a 5 year old. It had training wheels too! But the greatest thing about his bike is that it gave me confidence to build on for riding my own bike. A few spins on that puppy taught me that I could possibly learn to ride without the training wheels. His dad set us free the very next week. Sure, he held the seat and started us down a small hill near his house to help us get going, but by the end of week two we were flying — skidding to stops AND MOST IMPORTANTLY I was getting the courage to step up to my full-sized bmx.

Leadership is like learning to ride a bike. You will start slow, it will come to you over time, once you learn you won’t forget AND you will gain confidence with each success to step up into bigger situations. Akin to bike riding, you can gain some confidence and some assistance by tapping the experience offered by others who have learned to ride and are out there ‘enjoying the sport’. Save yourself some early pain by dedicating yourself to learning about leadership and easing your way into it, possibly even getting a mentor.

That is what these blog articles will be for… to help you get going. I don’t have all the answers, so you won’t find me writing all the articles. My goal is to make the early experiences in leadership more beneficial. Odds are you will still have some crashes that will cause some pain – those are unavoidable, even with training wheels and assistance. But as you come to experience the thrill of leadership and glean from the insights of others, I am betting you will in turn become a leader who is reaching your potential.

I am looking forward to counting you in as a leader who is learning and making positive impacts in your world!

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