With every endurance race that I have participated in there has always come a point where I feel like quitting. In my first triathlon it was in the first 5 minutes of the swim. In fact, in all the triathlons I have competed in it is always during the swim that I want to quite… it must be something to do with the early morning anxiety and getting kicked in the face while trying to breath and not suck down water.
Sunday I completed my first marathon with a finishing time of 3:33:04; the pace was 8:07min per mile. The morning started out in the pitch black with the rain pouring in downtown Portland. I felt like quitting before I began… seriously, who really wants to run in the pouring rain? I felt like quitting when my legs began to hurt at mile 3. I felt like quitting again at mile 5 when I was already breathing heavy and was certain I couldn’t keep my goal pace up for 21 more miles. When the marathon route diverged from the half-marathon route it was tempting to go the shorter distance. But, the most challenging moment came at 12.5 miles. It was a slight downhill section, I was cruising nicely along and taking a sip of a carb-loaded sports drink when I hit a unapparent dip in the road and tweaked my left knee. Just one misstep out of what must have been thousands. Pain shot through my knee and up my leg. I cringed and faltered. I knew I had to keep striding, for if I stopped I was almost certain I wouldn’t get going again, mentally or physically. For the next couple of miles I tried to run the pain out of my mind and out of my leg, but nothing nagged me more than the thought of quitting.
Quitting was never really an option. I had too much invested leading up to Sunday. Too many miles logged, too many early mornings, too many damn hot days in AZ, too many friends who knew I was running, too many fellow competitors & training partners who were awaiting results, too much was personally at stake. My kids were waiting to hear. And, even though it was my first marathon, they thought I had a chance to ‘win’, since “why else would you run dad?”
Sometimes, quitting isn’t an allowable option. When you make a heavy personal invest in something you believe in it becomes THE driving competitive factor. Nothing will stop you short of your goal… except maybe death, or some very uncontrollable circumstance. Have you experienced this? Are you personally invested that deep in a mission or goal? What keeps your from giving yourself to something so completely?
(Special thanks to my wife, Jerome Hawkins, and Dave Skogebo for their part in helping me accomplish this goal!)