When the water cooler gathering occur much of the talk has personal agendas, unproductive results, and leaves wide open doors for misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Welcome back to Junior High, except this time having a big mouth could cost you a lot more, possibly your job.
Reason why you can’t shut up and what to do about it:
- You’re Offended: Talk only to the person that hurt you and move on, seriously no one else needs to be informed.
- You lack Confidence and struggle with Your Identity: You’ll never be a leader if this is the case. Approach close friends/family, ask their thoughts, and be prepared for some hard answers. Personal reflection to follow.
- You have Control Issues: This will come off desperate and have the opposite effect you wanted. Learn to not care about what others think of you as much.
- You lack Listening Skills: When people talk to much it can be because they don’t think the other person is hearing them, listen to their response to you.
- You’re Bored: You’re at work not a talk show; do your work. It is disrespectful and inappropriate to waste company time on personal things.
- You’re Inarticulate: Thinking before you speak is key to sharing a thought, opinion, and/or feeling. Take time and say it right the first time.
If there could be a sign over every water cooler or for that matter every “lunch meeting” that says “Shut Up No One Cares” I think we would get a lot more done. Sounds rude even hurtful but if you give me a chance I think I’m making a more than valuable point.
Talking, what a gift women have! According to many studies women on average speak three times more words a day than men and we all know those words, more often than not, are full of punch! As a woman, I understand and often find myself joining the water cooler crowd for the latest. It’s like this crazy magnetic force that screams at me that my opinion, my feelings, my thoughts are so important and valuable that everyone needs to hear them and not just once, but multiply times. This God given gift of communication to the females is at its core a beautiful thing, but when used in excess turns ugly fast.
In the spirit of leadership in the work place choosing words carefully is one of the best things you can do. Imagine a woman in the work place that speaks when necessary and gets to the point, and whenever she deviates it’s purposeful, clear, and possibly even witty! This woman would stand out not just from the women but the men as well and become the leading lady in the office. People respect and think highly of others that have a guard on their tongue. We tend to subconsciously label people that speak well and with thoughtfulness as wise and deep, all wonderful leadership traits. People will follow, respect, and even have a healthy fear of a leader that demonstrates these attributes on consistent biases.
Overwhelmed and stressed out by all of the crap that keeps stacking up?
Try this —> I give you my “Money Back Guarantee” on the start of a kick-ass, productive work life! It is centered around those 3 words that sometimes rule our lives “NEED TO DO”. You are about to experience one of the best investments of 30 minutes of your work week.
step 1 – BE ALONE; singular, by yourself, only 1. Tune everything out. Turn off your computer & your phone – close your door – be alone & free from distraction.
step 2 – GET 2 ITEMS, a piece of paper & a pencil. We are going old school.
step 3 - Write down everything you NEED TO DO (the key 3 words) – include everything that comes into your head or that is stressing you out.
step 4 - Write “Today”, “This Week”, “Next Week”, or “Future” (1, 2, 3, or 4) next to every item for priority indicators
step 5 – Select 5 or fewer TODAY ITEMS; be VERY realistic erring on the side of conservative.
step 6 – Take 6 DEEP BREATHS; enjoy your life and the moment
NOW you can go get started. Work really hard. Eliminate distractions, time killers and losers. Quite no later than 5pm. Have a nice beverage. Enjoy your family.
“No American politician in the Progressive Era had more loyal friends or more dedicated enemies. But it would have been difficult for Bryan to retain the former if he had found a way to mollify the latter.” – Michael Kazin, A Godly Hero: The Life of William Jennings Bryan p. 297
William Jennings Bryan, The Great Commoner, was the leader for the Democratic Party from the late 19th century into the early 20th century. He ran and lost the race for the Presidency 3 times on the Democratic ticket. He was one of the most popular orators of all time, rising to fame speaking out for a sense of liberalism that would cause the government to help out the people. Ever the evangelist, he stuck to his personal beliefs in the face of opposition and blatant disregard.
Although he is perhaps best known for his failure to gain the Presidency and his weakened attempt to keep evolution out of the public school system, Bryan is a classic case of polarization. His many admirers considered him to be a prophet-type, the one man able to lead the United States to its rightful position. His opponents considered him to be out of touch with reality and shallow in his political thought. Truth be told, he is most likely to be considered somewhere in between.
The truth we find in a leader like Bryan, is that leadership is polarizing. It is impossible to please everybody, and certainly not worth our time trying to do so. Strong leaders must recognize a vision and work hard towards accomplishing it. The goal is not to please people but to lead people. Clinging to your vision and making independent decisions will always develop dedicated enemies. But in the end, leadership is making the right choice not the popular one.
When Yitta Schwartz died last month at 93, she left behind 15 children, more than 200 grandchildren and so many great- and great-great-grandchildren that, by her family’s count, she could claim perhaps 2,000 living descendants. – NY Times – Feb. 18, 2010 – read more
Holy Crap! Yitta was focused. Focused on life. Focused on her goals. Focused on her family. Focused on her legacy. Focused on her beliefs. Focused on her purpose.
Yitta Schwartz survived the holocaust.
She also endured the agony of having 18 natural births and then went on the ENJOY the challenge of raising 15 kids (read the story to make the math work) and nurturing the clan. Yitta went strong into her 90’s. There is so much to marvel at in connection with this woman. I am filled with so many questions from such a short story. Bottom line is that this woman is inspiration for every time I feel like giving up.
Leaders have evidently learned how to apologize. The last few weeks we have seen some prominent people apologize for their actions. As of late Mark McGwire, Tiger Woods, and Toyota executives have all had to make public apologies for their actions and decisions.
Unfortunately, the public has not received any of these statements with acceptance. They were said to be vague, insincere, or just too late. People are rarely satisfied with an apology from a leader. They always want more information, emotion, or dirt. The most important action people want to see from an apologetic leader is this: RESULTS.
A leader who says, “I am sorry,” needs to produce some results. Apologizing does not mean anything unless it is followed by a change in actions. Everyone is watching to see what happens next for companies like Toyota because words are only backed up by results.
People do look to their leaders to own their mistakes. More importantly, they are looking for their leaders to change their actions.
Emails are stacked up and always coming in. Twitter & Facebook always have a fresh round of mindless dribble being spooned out by someone. CNN, FOX, and ESPN can easily keep you bouncing around to the latest articles & must read material. Plus, you haven’t even played a game, filled out a quiz, researched the deal of the day or caught up on the happenings of everyone’s weekend.
TURN IT ALL OFF if you wanna get somewhere with your life goals.
You have at least 5 or more tools to organize yourself for the week but you never quite gets there because of all of the distractions that keep popping up on my computer.
Start the week out with a bang. Take the first 30 minutes to outline your MUST DO LIST FOR TODAY and your GOALS FOR THE WEEK. Don’t even think about cruising the internet right now. And don’t check email until after 11am.
Get and stay focused.
“‘But,’ he told Harrington, ‘it is of no consequence whether it worked or not. It was an experiment as I told you once before, not made to show but to satisfy me that I was all right.’ And he furthermore explained to Craig that although ‘Mr. H says that some of our experiments were useless…after he has had more experience in this business, he will find that No experiments are useless.’ Edison recognized that failed experiments often provided important insights during the research process, but Harrington and other backers were interested only in positive results.” - Paul Israel, Edison: A Life of Invention (New York: John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 1998), 61.
What seems to have set Thomas Edison apart was not a particular genius in inventing so much as a willingness to try. He had no fear of failure. He tried and tried and tried again. Failure simply became a building block for the future. While his financial backers might have struggled with his concept of failure because of their incessant need for results; Edison continued to plug away at his own pace and on his own sense of progress. I am amazed at how counterintuitive this is. Today’s culture is every bit as ‘positive results’ oriented as his was and failure is never an option, especially when finances are on the line. How many people and ideas have been labeled useless simply because they were not immediate financial hits?
The lesson here seems to be the need to press forward. Keep learning. Move past those who are willing to abandon or deride you for failure. It is in those failed attempts that true success might be found.
“Sex Scandal involving _________ Leader.”
Prominent leaders are in the news on a recurring basis not for their leadership but rather because they got caught with their pants down.
Incase you missed them, here are a few names & links:
Bill Clinton / Tiger Woods / John Edwards / Ted Haggard / David Letterman / more! / even more!!
Beyond the details, here valuable observations for aspiring leaders:
Observation #1 - These leaders will be forever remembered for their sex life decisions before they will be remembered for the positive changes brought about by their leadership and abilities.
Observation #2 - The pain these leaders experienced and caused to others is greater the the fun that they had while they were screwing around.
Observation #3 – Everyone wrestles with something, even high capacity leaders. Everyone has a personal demon to slay daily or temptation to overcome. Too often we place leaders on pedestals. And too often leaders place themselves there.
Observation #4 – Position, power, money and influence will naturally lead towards entitlement. It is only through personal discipline, humility AND allowance for authentic accountability that a leader will avoid great falls such as these.
Bonus Observation: If you ever find that you have made a bad decision in this arena, follow the “come fully clean the first time” strategy.
For the record:
* I am a big fan & advocate of forgiveness for those who are truly seek it – I am VERY fallible myself.
* I am not taking a political side or voicing my opinion about the individual leaders and their other characteristics.